Friday, April 14, 2006

I am an accomplished stair-climber

The building I work in just started allowing people to use the stairs a week ago. I work on the third floor, and it was frustrating to wait for the elevator, knowing that if not for the management's fear of lawsuits, I could be coming and going under my own power. Rumor had it a pregnant woman tumbled down the stairs years ago, prompting the building's owners
to close the stairs to all, indefinitely. Each morning I gazed longingly at the ornate marble and brass staircase while I waited for the goddamn elevator. I wrote this letter, but I never sent it -- now I don't have to:

Dear Management,

I'm writing to ask about the stairways in this building. I work on the third floor, and I have to go in the elevator, which I don't like waiting for. Furthermore, I could use the extra exercise walking up and down the stairs.

I've heard that you don't let us use the stairs because someone fell on them once.

What would you do if someone (I'm not saying me) fell in the elevator?

We had a fire drill one day and we had to use the stairs. Let me tell you: once I got a taste of those stairs, it was hard to enjoy that elevator. It was like discovering a secret passage way, or a short-cut. So easy!

I am an excellent walker, and a superb stair-climber. I climb stairs everyday in subway stations and in my own apartment building. I'd like to think I'm pretty good at it -- not too hasty, but measured, careful. I am willing to give a demonstration of my stair-climbing competence to prove that I can handle the daily climb up and down the stairs in this building between floors one and three.

Maybe you could give me special privileges.

*****************


The stairs have been open a week and I haven't used the elevator once since.

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