Donald Trump Vodka? Make Mine a Willie Nelson Bourbon.

Why would a notorious teetotaler — a man who once publicly yearned for “the lawyers that went after the tobacco companies” to “go after the alcohol companies” — affix his name to a ... vodka? “If I don’t do it,” Mr. Trump said, “someone else will.”

Um, someone else will name a super-expensive vodka "Trump"? Maybe not. But when Ed McMahon already has one, you better get your own quick. No, I'm not joking. McMahon Perfect Russian Vodka is a real thing. A New York Times article about "vanity vodkas" may not be a sign of the apocalypse, but surely it's a sign that Rome is about to burn.

The dead are even rising to cash in. Jimi Hendrix has one too: Hendrix Electric Vodka.

Remember what I said about vodka a few weeks ago? Here's a reminder: Blind taste test. Panel of booze experts. Twenty "premium" vodkas. One ringer -- a $12 bottle of Smirnoff. Guess what won?

Vanity vodka's not for me. Give me a Willie Nelson Bourbon instead.