Tuesday, November 03, 2009

It's Election Day

Both New York City and Minneapolis have mayoral elections today. But who to vote for? Here are a few of the candidates you may not have heard enough about.

New York City
Jimmy McMillan of The Rent is Too Damn High Party: McMillan, who looks like a black Hulk Hogan, has a simple platform -- "There Is Nothing Else To Talk About!" he says of the City's high rents. His website is a collage of articles, images, clipart and animated graphics bearing the message, “We apologize for the bad grammar. But... your rent is still too damn high.” Yes, it is.

McMillan, who has run for mayor (unsucsessfully) before, made news recently when the damn Board of Elections made him shorten the name of his party. McMillan argues that the longer name wasn't a problem when he ran in 2005, and that the Board is trying to censor him on religious grounds.

McMillan told New York Magazine:
"I had a hell of a day, man. I would love to put on my website that the Board of Elections can suck my dick, I would love to do that, but I got little children going to my website, I can't do it, the motherfuckers. I would love to, before every one of them go to bed at night, suckin' my damn dick. That's what I'd love to put on my website. Every fuckin' one of them, you know."
So he was forced to change the party name on the ballot to: "The Rent is Too High Party."

His website is full of odd quotes and anecdotes, like this one, next to an animated graphic of a man running:

"Slow down Jimmy
I cant People are getting evicted like crazy.
We gotta do something Rent is too damn high.
Help us stop this 'High' Rent madness. Please, HELP Us..."

McMillan is running against incumbent Mike Bloomberg and Democrat Bill Thompson.
John Charles Wilson of the Edgertonite National Party: "In May 1982," writes Wilson on his homepage, "I saw my first vision of Laura Ingalls Wilder, who told me that She is God, I was right to be a Communist, and that she would give me a message to preach to the world. I realised this wouldn't endear me to the traditional Communist Party USA, so I planned to start my own political party."

And so the Edgertonite Party was born. Wilson, who calls himself an Author/Minister/Politician/Transit Historian, says he was "a political prisoner in the mental 'health' system from 1983 to 1987."

The Edgerton he refers to is "The Nation of Edgerton," which is a 240-mile radius of Minneapolis, Minnesota. The Edgertonite party website explains:
"We are a non-traditional Communist party, based on the ideology of Lauraism: the belief that Laura Ingalls Wilder is God, Communism (public ownership of business) is the best form of government, age of consent laws should be repealed, public transit should be returned to the routes, fares, and schedules of 18 September 1970, the Nation of Edgerton should secede from the United States as a Lauraist homeland, and all people, including children, deserve as much personal liberty as possible consistent with public safety and the rights of others. Capitalism is a per se violation of people’s rights by exploitation."
As creative and amusing as that is, one begins to suspect Wilson may be a little too interested in the freedom of children. In a bad way.

Joey Lombard is Awesome: Lombard explains his party's name on his blog:
"People tell me it's sad that I chose to use 'Is Awesome' as my political idea. They seem to be under the impression that I think simply being awesome will be enough to win an election. That's not the case at all. While I think it's awesome that I'm the first person in Minneapolis' history to be officially designated as 'awesome' and have since decided that being notarized awesome is enough to RUN for office, I know it's not enough to win. I'm not stupid. The reason I said I'm awesome is because I'm on a limited budget. I can't afford to put tens of thousands of dollars into yard signs and mailings. I wouldn't anyway because that's horribly wasteful and I'm a hippy."
That post is signed, Joey Lombard, Practically the mayor. Lombard graduated sub cum laude from Patrick Henry High School in 2005, according to his website.

Wilson and Lobard are running against incumbent RT Ryback and a large pool of others.


Anonymous Sarah said...

"Edgertonite" may come from "The Nation of Edgerton", but why is it called "The Nation of Edgerton?" Your public craves elucidation.

P.S. The security word for this post is pengicid. If you add an e, this means "to kill a penguin."

9:54 PM  

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