Monday, January 04, 2010

How to Sound Smart, Part One

1. Alternative spellings will make you write smarter. Feces spelled faeces smells much smarter.

2. Alternative pronunciations will make you sound smarter. To every possible proper noun, emphasize the last syllable: Ralph Lauren, for instance, must become Ralph LaREN. Steven Seagal, a name that in lesser hands might be pronounced SEEgul, becomes SeGALL. Instantly more sophisticated.

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